Musings
an Online Journal of Sorts

By Alyce Wilson

Feb. 12, 2003: Spamedy Spam

Usually, I find spam about as entertaining as telemarketers, but yesterday I came across something which really moved me. I'd like to share this wonderful, unique experience with you: it's called The Sound of Music.

OK, I've now lost everyone who's never heard of the Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band, which I'd guess is most everyone. Sorry about that.

I'll start over.

Reverent swami (the spam begins, and what an auspicious beginning it is)

How are you, first off statement this mail noways a trash Email. (that's what they all say)

We are (link deleted, no reason to encourage this nonsense), we have see your website on internet, (I'm happy my site is visible on the internet; I'd been worried)

and deem verynice fot your site. (I deem verynice fot you, too)

We don't clarity you whether satisfaction call at www by your site. but, (Processing... processing... brain... melting)

Us ever so sincerely invited join the AML, It's 100% free, make front to adult webstations only, she make front to webmaster only, she make front to (yes, but does baby got back?)

all english adult webstations.+++ (calling all stations, calling all stations; your Babelfish is faulty; I repeat, your frobblebot noh bonky)

the AML(adult magic link) adhibit 1:8 by ads swap rate, So, she can enhancement visitation quantum with effect. (I don't know if I want my enhancement visitation quantum with effect; I mean, wouldn't that create a black hole, or antimatter or something?)

if your care a hang, please click (link deleted) (I would very much care for a hang, thank you; would that be extra?)

we sincerely vatch for you. (Not if I vatch for you first.)

your friend coco (Poor deluded coco; probably thinks girls give him their real phone numbers, too.)

2003-02-10 (Just in case you needed to know when this wonderful missive was sent.)

This spam gives me new reason to live. Just to know that somewhere out there is my friend coco and his magic link! It warms the entrails.

Just like every morning I am thrilled to discover that I can enlarge my penis safely, get a degree online in less time, order Viagra from home (no doctors!), get porn DVDs 4 free, make big money, prevent stretch marks and get a Phermone High. No obligation, free consultation, free shipping, no gimmicks!

If only I'd known about these marvelous opportunities before I wasted seven years of my life earning two degrees. If only I'd known I could enlarge my penis safely, I wouldn't have tried to construct one out of Styrofoam. If only I'd known I could get a free password for every English adult webstation, I wouldn't have wasted my time trying to make human connections.

It's all so clear to me now. I have seen the light. I, the swami, will spread its magic power all over the web, in an effort to achieve worldwide enlightenment.

Moral:
I sincerely vatch for you.

Copyright 2003 by Alyce Wilson

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