Among
those battling for this distinction was Sony, who believed it might be
a good name for a computer game. They then decided otherwise, calling
it a "regrettable, bad decision."
Other
companies still vying for the name include a pesticide company, some fireworks
companies and a lingerie company.
In
the CNN vox pops interviews, the only idea that got even a slightly positive
response was the idea of using the name for lingerie. And that's probably
because you could call a lingerie company "Dirty Pustules" and
it wouldn't matter as long as the lingerie was revealing enough.
One
woman interviewed said she thought the idea of any product called "Shock
and Awe" was revolting, a response that would dismay all but the
daftest marketing executives.
My
question is, how do you come up with such an idea? What was the marketing
meeting like?
COMPANY
PRESIDENT: We're looking for a new direction for our product, something
we think will distinguish us from the herd. As you now, we've received
the new pattern. We're going with the Stars and Stripes motif. All we
need is a name for this product line. Let's hear your suggestions.
MARKETING
EXEC 1: How about "Fantabulous!"
COMPANY
PRESIDENT: Is "fantabulous" a word?
MARKETING
EXEC 1: Of course; my son uses it all the time.
COMPANY
PRESIDENT: Still on his medication, is he?
MARKETING
EXEC 1: Well, actually a doctor said he doesn't need to...
COMPANY
PRESIDENT: Next!
Somebody, quick. Let's get the ball rolling.
MARKETING
EXEC 2: American First.
COMPANY
PRESIDENT: Good, but it needs a little punch.
MARKETING
EXEC 2: No, I didn't mean that as a product name. I just wanted to
say that. I'm an American first.
COMPANY
PRESIDENT: It's okay, Abdul. We know you're not a terrorist. We've
been over this. We admitted the whole wiretapping thing was a big mistake
and we're going to remove the security cam in your cubicle on Wednesday,
so can we please move this along?
I
liked that theme, though. I like where he was going with that. Let's keep
going.
MARKETING
EXEC 3: "God Bless U.S."
COMPANY
PRESIDENT: It's getting there. It's got punch. It's got pizzazz. ...
But I think it will offend the atheists.
MARKETING
EXEC 3: Screw the atheists!
COMPANY
PRESIDENT: That definitely would offend the atheists.
MARKETING
EXEC 2: "Operation American Freedom."
COMPANY
PRESIDENT: I told you, Abdul. You don't have to prove anything to
us. We're going to stop the retinal scans, I promise.
But
you're onto something. Keep going with it. It's not quite there. I can
taste it now.
MARKETING
EXEC 1: "Special Operations."
MARKETING
EXEC 3: "Surgical Strike."
MARKETING
EXEC 1: "Baghdad Bazoobie!"
<everyone
stares at ME1 strangely>
MARKETING
EXEC 2: "Shock and Awe!!!"
COMPANY
PRESIDENT: <gets a broad smile on his face> Yes!
"Shock and Awe." I like it; it's simple. It's powerful. Goes
with the Stars and Stripes pattern.
<pulls
out a large poster of a roll of red-white-and-blue toilet paper>
Shock
and Awe Toilet Tissue. That's perfect!
Abdul,
good work. When you come to work tomorrow, leave your electronic ankle
bracelet at home. I don't think we need it anymore.
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