Another sketch, written by Bernhard, I believe, was "The Holli Weisman Show," hosted by none other than Holli Weisman. In it she interviews five men who worked with Madonna but never slept with her. Mark Sachs and I played the security guards, who rushed in at appropriate moments and ushered guests off the stage.

The first guest, played by Andy, was obviously gay.

Holli moved on to the second guest, who was repulsive (Bernhard eating toilet paper — we ushered him offstage). [Note: Bernhard wrote an infamous sketch where he ate toilet paper, and this became one of his recurring bits, like stapling oranges or writing obsessively dark poetry was for me. He would put barbecue sauce on it first. And yes, it was as repulsive as it sounds.]

The third guest didn't actually work with Madonna: he just bought all her albums and videos.

The fourth guest, played by Joe, was a caffeine addict who had sex with Madonna but never slept with her (too wound up). We had to usher him offstage for being too hyper. So Holli changed the topic of the show to "People Who Worked With Madonna and Never Had Sex With Her."

The last guest, played by Carl Haicken, hadn't realized he was working with Madonna.

"I thought she was a hooker! That's why I kept turning her down." For the remainder of the sketch he hit his head on the wall and said, "Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn!"

Another Bernhard Warg sketch was "Homosexual Rednecks," which is one of your typical turn-a-situaton-180-degrees sketches. In it, a bunch of rednecks sit around drinking beer and being "manly" — except that their idea of being manly is to like other guys. They pick on one of the rednecks, my brother, because he "likes girls." Andy acted the same as he had in the "Holli Weisman Show" sketch, talking in a fey lisp and using weak wrist movements and such.

At the end of the sketch, they confront Holli, who admits that she is actually a woman. They walk off in disgust. Sam comes on and tells Holli that she did a good job of making them confront their fears and that they would become more tolerant. Then Sam leaps into Bernhard's body.