Musings
an Online Journal of Sorts
By Alyce Wilson
Feb. 26, 2003: Pet Peeves
The term "pet peeve" has always intrigued me. It's the "pet" part of it.
Are these things we're supposed to enjoy hating? That would only be possible if you're a masochist.
Or Andy Rooney.
I don't know if I would call any of the following peeves my pet, but I'd sure like to put a leash on them. (Weak, I know, but it's been a rough morning.)
- Guys
who grunt loudly in the gym. If we wanted to hear that, we'd rent
a porn movie. Starring someone more attractive than you.
- Guys
who wear muscle shirts in the gym.
Very few guys really look right in muscle shirts, and most of them are
at the 12th
Street Gym.
- People
who
argue about coupons in checkout lines.
It's not the cashier's fault if you can't read.
- Drivers
who slow down to a dead stop before turning. This is far more
dangerous than taking that corner at, say, a daredevilish 15 mph.
- People
who claim they're "above" pop culture. If you were that
sophisticated, you wouldn't have to prove it.
- D.J.'s
who don't back announce songs. We're
listening for the songs, not the diamond commercials.
- People
who use your stuff and break it.
I'm not necessarily referring to the bald ape who bent my snow shovel.
- When
people say "I have to tell you something." I
don't have time for preambles. I have 12 windows open on my computer,
for heaven's sake.
- Grammatically
incorrect pop songs.
In particular, "I've got to find a lover that won't drive me crazy."
You want to date an object? It's "who!" Who!
As in "Who's going to kick your butt?" Aaaaaaaaaa!
- When
people see me walking my dog and say, "Who's walking who?"
Yes, my dog is walking me. Ha ha. And yes, it's cold enough for me.
And by the way, it's "whom."
- Being
interrupted while I'm writing. Just because I'm not flipping burgers,
doesn't mean I'm not working. Do you want fries with that?
- Songs
that include the sound of phones ringing. When Pink Floyd did it,
they were clever. When you do it, you are annoying.
- Annoying,
pointless Microsoft default settings. If I wanted my computer to
make rude beeping sounds when my wireless mouse batteries are dying,
or cannibalize existing browser windows when I open a link from Outlook
Express, or force my entire Microsoft Word document into a format I
didn't request because I indented twice, I'd tell it to do so. But I
would be stupid.
- People
who tell me "Polack" jokes after they learn I'm part Polish.
I can call myself a "Polack." You can't. You're the reason
my grandfather changed his name.
- Guys
who expect me to join in on feminist bashing. Does my subscription
to Bust
mean nothing to you? How about these size 10 army boots?
- D.J.'s
who sing over songs. Even your momma thinks that's stupid. Anyone
ever tell you that you have a face for radio?
- When
skinny girls complain about how fat they are. Your butt is not fat.
You have no butt. That's why you fell through the toilet seat again.
- When
people call me "ma'am" or "Mrs." When I'm old
and married, I will tell you. Until then, "goddess" is fine.
Or "grrrrrl."
- People
who complain too much. Um... yeah.
Moral:
Let it out, let it all out! You'll feel better, really you will.
Copyright 2003 by Alyce Wilson
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