Musings
an Online Journal of Sorts

By Alyce Wilson

I finally understand why Saturday Night Live used to make fun and Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme.

On Larry King Live last night, they were promoting their latest tour, One More for the Road, and Steve's new album — I kid you not — Steve Lawrence Sings Sinatra.

The thing that separates them from Liza Minelli is that she was once cool. Oh, and she has talent. And she does her own material.

The interview was probably the most embarrassing thing Larry has done since he first decided to wear suspenders. He actually asked them questions like, "You were the first person who played craps in Atlantic City, right?" For your information, Steve Lawrence was the first person to play craps in Atlantic City, and he rolled a five. I'm so glad I tuned into CNN.

But the most entertaining aspect of last night's interview was an exchange about Steve and Eydie's contribution to Disney's "Loungeapalooza" album. They'd been asked to perform Soundgarden's "Black Hole Sun."

"Black ... Hole ... Sun?" Larry asked, Shatner-like, apparently unaware that the '90s had happened.

"That's what I said when I heard it," Steve laughed. Oh, my.

It gets worse.

According to Steve, Soundgarden is "a heavy metal rock group." Steve and Eydie's version of the song, however, is a "Don Costa style arrangement," or as Eydie says, "a ballad."

Simply put, there is the most fantastic flame-out of a cover song since Shatner did "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds." If you don't believe me, go to the Loungeapalooza site and check out the audio sample. But be warned, you might want to don your teflon headphones first.

Unbelievably, Steve and Eydie managed to top this exchange for sheer vapidness at the end of the interview, where Larry asked them their secret for a successful marriage.

First, Steve said, "Saran Wrap." My eyes! My eyes!

But wait. There's more.

What's Eydie's secret for a successful marriage? "Steve and I have never, ever had in-depth conversations."

Am I the only person who finds this statement entirely believable?

For those who are now imagining Steve and Eydie, in the privacy of their home, making small talk about the weather or oozing over how great Frank was, clad in Saran Wrap, I apologize.

Blame it on Larry's hypnotic suspenders.

Copyright 2003 by Alyce Wilson

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