Musings
an Online Journal of Sorts

By Alyce Wilson

Time got away from me today, so I'll just share some various thoughts that I've accumulated via the wonderful marvel that is the Internet.

Feel free to forward them to friends and family. But please, only send them to people who enjoy that sort of thing. I'll take no responsibility for you annoying your coworkers.

In Some Hot Water

BOSTON - A man has gotten himself into trouble after capering around Provincetown dressed as a gay lobster. Mark Ceria calls himself "Provincetown's first gay lobster" and said that he has been dressing as the crustacean since June, posing for pictures in exchange for money "to support my art." "People love me," he said after appearing in Orleans District Court as Mr. Lobster to plead not guilty to pot possession. "The whole town has opened their arms to me like a superhero." Marijuana was allegedly found on Ceria last month when he was arrested on a warrant charging him with stealing an Enterprise rental car. Ceria admitted to dabbling in drugs and said he was taking the weed to an ailing AIDS patient while dressed as the lobster. He plans to retire his alter ego by Thanksgiving and vows that those who would crack down on him will "eat their words."

Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.

It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.

The revelation that his marriage had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free cashpoint.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature British beef.

Apple Wassail Bowl
Wonderful holiday punch! Not for the kids!

6 small tart apples
1 T. brown sugar
1 qt. apple cider
1/4 tsp. nutmeg
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 c. sugar
2 c. dry sherry
4 thin lemon slices

Preheat oven to 350° F. Grease 10 x 6 x 1-1/2 inch baking pan. Core and halve
apples, arrange (cut side up) in pan. Sprinkle with brown sugar and bake
in preheated oven for 20 minutes or until tender. Set aside.

Just before serving, pour cider in saucepan and heat to just below
boiling point. Stir in remaining ingredients over low heat until sugar is
dissolved. Remove lemon slices. Pour mixture into punch bowl. Garnish
with apple halves. Serves 12.

Wacky Cake
My mom's favorite chocolate cake. Moist and delicious!

3 c. flour
2 c. sugar
2 tsp. Baking soda
1 tsp. Salt
8 tbsp. Cocoa

Mix all ingredients. Make three holes in mixture (like a smiley face). In one put 2 tablespoons of vinegar. In one put 2 teaspoons of vanilla, and in the other put 10 tablespoons of oil. Cover the holes and pour 2 cups of cold water over top and mix it all together. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes or until the cake springs back.

WOODY ALLEN QUOTES

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.

It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering — and it's all over much too soon.

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

Copyright 2005 by Alyce Wilson

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