Dedicated Idiocy | Stubborn and Violent

Stubborn and Violent

by Alyce Wilson

Setting: A park, with two benches, one stage right, one stage left. Sylvia is seated on the bench stage right. She is wearing a conservative outfit, a sweater and jeans. She's reading a book. Another woman, Wilma, enters stage left. She's also wearing conservative clothes.

SYLVIA: (when Wilma has crossed nearer) Oh, hello, Wilma.

WILMA: (sitting down) Hi, Sylvia. What are you reading?

SYLVIA: A self-help book. Not too exciting. How are you today?

WILMA: (politely) Oh, fine. Just fine. (Leans over and rips the book out of Sylvia's hands)

SYLVIA: (shocked) Give that back!

WILMA: (sharply) No.

SYLVIA: Come, now. (Holds out hand in impatient, "give me" gesture)

WILMA: (clutching book tightly and speaking childishly) No, no, no. (straightens up suddenly) (brightly) I've been taking a course... on being stubborn.

SYLVIA: (haughtily) Well!

(Wilma beans Sylvia with the book)

WILMA: ... and violent. Stubborn and violent. (Hits Sylvia again, this time on the leg)

SYLVIA: Stop that!

WILMA: (hits her again) Sorry. It's part of my training.

(Sylvia gets up and rushes over to other park bench stage left. Wilma follows her, sits beside her.)

WILMA: I took the course to change my ways. (Hits Sylvia) I used to be passive and peaceful, but now I'm stubborn and violent. (Hits her again)

SYLVIA: (gets us and rushes back to first bench) Go away!

WILMA: (proudly, while still hitting Sylvia) I can't do that. I'm not supposed to listen to anybody.

SYLVIA: Well... go ahead and hit me.

WILMA: (pauses, book raised) What?

SYLVIA: (braver now) Go on, hit me!

WILMA: (folding arms stubbornly) No, no, no.

SYLVIA: ... and keep my book.

WILMA: (jumps up and throws book at Sylvia) I don't listen to anyone.

SYLVIA: (last brilliant streak of genius) Oh... and stay here and talk to me all day, if you like!

WILMA: Never! (strides off stubbornly, stage right)

SYLVIA: (calls a parting shot) And don't go to Siberia!