School Year 1989-1990

How to Staple Oranges

We stayed with the idea of theme meetings, determined by the officers at the beginning of the semester. Our February 14 meeting, quite naturally, was titled, "All You Need is Love, and a Swift Kick in the Head," and the following meeting was "Nerds Anonymous," held in recognition of National Nerd Coming Out Day (Be a nerd! Be proud!).

The theme for our first March meeting was "Arctic Beach Party," which involved beach towels, music and naturally, cookies. The second March meeting was the "Show and Tell" meeting, where I once more demonstrated my technique of How to Staple Oranges.

Say you are writing a paper about the superiority of the Valencia Orange to the Satsuma Mandarin. What better way to prove your point than to provide visual aids?

Stapling an orange to a piece of paper is easy. (Warning: May cause permanent damage to your stapler and render your orange inedible.)

You simply lay the paper flat on the paper, then place the orange on top in its desired placement. Valencia Oranges, otherwise known as juice oranges, are better than Naval Oranges because they have thinner skins. Swingline staplers are best, if you have one available. Unfortunately, I didn't.

 

Open the stapler all the way, as if you were using it on a corkboard.

 

Then simply press down on the orange with the action end of the stapler until it is mashed flat (the orange, not the stapler).

 

Staple through the peel onto the paper below. Demonstrate your success by picking up the orange and showing that the paper is stapled to it. Never fails to amaze.

 

And yes, there is a simpler way to staple oranges, by putting the piece of paper on the orange and stapling through the paper into the orange. But that is far less messy, so where's the fun in that?