President Visits London Over Holidays

While the rest of you were festering at home, drinking generic egg nog, spinning weird tops, and hanging out at the mall, I took a glamorous two-week holiday in London with the Penn State Scholars Program. Prepare to be jealous...

Day One — December 26-27

Took my first plane trip (since I was a baby, which doesn't count because I didn't know enough to watch the in-flight movie). Landed at Heathrow, collected my stomach from the baggage retrieval system, hopped on a tube (subway train) and traveled to the Earl's Court station in Chelsea. Lugged my fucking luggage eighty three and a half blocks to Harcourt Lodge.

Since we were all tired and jet lagged, we took a complete tour of the city, including Westminster Cathedral, Big Ben, Parliament, 10 Downing Street, Trafalgar Square, Covent Garden, and Buckingham Palace. Went "home" and scalded myself in the sink (the hot water was on the RIGHT!).

Day Two — December 28

Saw the Tower of London and got attacked by a raven (quit making things up! - ed) No, I don't have to, because I'm the editor. Anyway, Jenny (Hoffman) and I found Michael Palin's business office. I left a pack of newsletters and a poorly written letter.

     

[Note: You will, of course, forgive me
for captioning the above photo "Jenny on the Block"]

Day Three — December 29

Ran into Johnnie (Major) in Harrod's and discussed his plans for the war. He says he plans to launch an offensive with banana cream pies and an elephant brigade, with [THIS PARAGRAPH IS BEING CUT DUE TO ARMY REGULATIONS] But the elephant brigade would not be forced to aid in the clean up afterwards.

Day Five — December 31-January 1

Spent New Year's Eve in Trafalgar Square, watching people throw confetti, drop bottles, kick aluminum cans, kiss and throw up on each other.

At midnight my group had formed a chain and was heading back to the underground station. Got stranded at Nottingham Hill Road tube stop and had to walk home. Got lost several times and asked directions from some constables who were guarding a broken shop window.

My watch, which only goes from February to September, flipped over to April 1st.

Day Seven — January 2

Took out my own appendix on the Piccadilly Line according to directions in The Brand New Monty Python Papperbok.

I made the incision at Earl's Court, swabbed at South Kensington, removed the appendix at Knightsbridge, washed my hands at Piccadilly Circus, sterilized at Covent Garden... (now I know you're making this up! Stop it right now! - ed) All right. I really did research for my honors thesis.

Day Eight — January 3

Traveled to Oxford University and learned about the English school system (Believe me, kids. SAT's are nothing compared to this!)

Spent the day walking around the colleges, admiring cathedrals, and hearing stories about Lewis Carroll and A.A. Milne.

Day Nine — January 4

Visited Cambridge. Spent the day walking around the colleges, admiring the cathedrals, and hearing stories about Isaac Newton.

Left my umbrella on the train.

Dropped off a letter for J. Cleese at his business office.

Day Ten — January 5

Saw Stonehenge, Salisbury, and Bath. Realized that I was running short of space and would have to complete the trip in one and a half inches.

Day Fifteen — January 10

Swam home. (did not! - ed)