Dream Machine: Meditations on Pop Culture
By Alyce
Wilson
[Author's note: This column was written before the current allegations against Michael Jackson. Below are links to more recent thoughts on the subject.]
It took me awhile to find a suitable celebrity crush.
My other friends had them, and I knew they were looking at me funny because I didn’t. One of my friends — we’ll call her Tracy — had her entire bedroom plastered with photos of Scott Baio, Andy Gibb and Sean Cassidy. Another friend, Renee, had a book based on the movie Saturday Night Fever. You flipped the corners and watched John Travolta dance. She thought he was dreamy.
For awhile I kept quiet and nodded whenever they talked about their celebrity
dream-dates, because I had none of my own. Not until Thriller came
out. That’s when I fell for Michael Jackson.
I had posters on my wall from the “Billie Jean” video and a magazine photo of him posted on my mirror. I kissed it every night before I went to bed. I bought every magazine that featured him, every unauthorized biography, and even Michael Jackson trading cards. At the close of every diary entry, I wrote, “I love you, Michael.”
So why Michael Jackson? First of all, I loved his music. To somebody used to the desert wasteland of 1970s pop music, it was fresh. There was such joy bursting from his voice on those high notes. He was androgynous and seemed as young as I was, so I guess I saw something of myself in him. I felt like he would understand me, the way the kids in school didn’t. There was something about him that struck a chord, something about alienation and hope.
And he was cute back then, before he’d turned his face into a catlike mask to hide from the world. Of course, today I prefer the look from his “Off the Wall” album, with that massive afro, leaning against a brick wall in a snappy tuxedo. It’s a shame he couldn’t see that beauty in himself. On recent releases of Off the Wall, that terrific portrait has been removed.
At 13, I had crushes on real-life boys in my school, but Michael reigned supreme. He was the King of Pop and the king of my heart. I don’t know what I would have expected if I’d ever met him in person. I would have wanted to talk to him, mainly. Have him sing me a song or two.
Even though that long ago crush is something I usually file deep, deep in my “guilty secrets” file, I’ll never forget how special those months seemed, singing along to what I still believe is one of the greatest albums of all time and feeling like I was part of something special. That’s what it was all about for me, and probably for my friends as well.
It was about communicating, it was about finding something or somebody that speaks to you. That could apply to music or movies or who you fall in love with. And I’m almost certain, if they thought about it, my friends would say there was something about their celebrity crushes that spoke to who my friends were. It makes sense to me that Tracy, who believed in love at first sight, champagne and roses, would fall for Sean Cassidy, the pop-sanctioned dreamboat always shot in soft focus. And it makes sense, too, that Renee, whose favorite Star Wars character was Darth Vader, would fall for the raw charisma of John Travolta.
Recently, I bought Thriller on CD. I hadn’t listened to my vinyl copy for nearly 20 years. And when I popped that CD into the player, and the music filled the room, I could remember dancing around the living room to it. I felt really good inside, full of hope. Full of all the dreams I felt at 13.
I love you, Michael. Or at least, I love what you meant to me then.
Copyright 2002 by Alyce Wilson
This sample column is available for publication, free of charge. If you would like to pick up "Dream Machine: Meditations on Pop Culture" as a regular, weekly feature for your publication, contact alycewilson@lycos.com.
Other
writings by Alyce about Michael Jackson:
The Tyranny of Photography
(Wild Violet Vol. I Issue 1)
( Feb.
7, 2003) Michael Jackson's Mask
(Feb. 10, 2003) Lifting the Mask
(Feb. 11, 2003) - Would Be Pundit
( Feb.
19, 2003) - MJ Fascination
(Feb. 22, 2003) - Michael Gets His Say
(March 5, 2003) - Bye-Bye Black Sheep
(November
19, 2003) - Cable News Junkie
(June
16, 2005) - My Two Cents
Other Michael Jackson links:
Tribute
to a tragic pop star: Anatomy
of a Face
What Michael Jackson might have looked like without surgery: 'Nasal
Cripple'
A
Photographic HisTory
of Michael Jackson's Face
The court
document outlining the 1993 charges.
Which Michael Jackson era are you? Take
the quiz
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at Alyce's message board:
