Musings
an Online Journal of Sorts

By Alyce Wilson

My glasses: old on the left, new on the right

I think my new glasses have magical powers. Ever since I've gotten them, I seem to be greeted by bright smiles from strangers and associates alike.

And not all of them seem to recognize me.

For example, when I took some clothes to my local consignment store, the volunteer who sorted through them to determine what they would take has worked there a long time, and I've dealt with her several times before. At the end of our session, she pointed to the sheet and explained everything to me, as if it was my first time. That's when I realized she had no idea who I was.

So for those of you who ever doubted that Superman could go under cover as Clark Kent simply by donning spectacles, I propose to you that he must have had magic glasses.

I wish my glasses had other powers, such as the power to keep my hands warm while I'm walking our dog, Una. Or perhaps, like on the Sci Fi Channel series, The Lost Room, the ability to put out fires.

(By the way, that series is proof that if you're watching something just because Margaret Cho is in it, you're better off renting a DVD of her standup. She had a very minor role and frankly was one of the best parts of the show.)

Other magical powers I wish my glasses could confer include bending and manipulation of time, which goes way too fast for my liking, especially when I have a day packed with things I'm trying to accomplish.

I can do without the ability to fly, which would be highly noticeable to passersby. But I wouldn't mind the ability to teleport from place to place, since it would save me tons of time. Of course, I wouldn't want to do that if it involves stepping into a machine that rips all your molecules apart and puts them together on the other side.

Wouldn't there be some sort of copying issues? I mean, how many times can you be copied before you're just a ghost of your former self?

I'd rather not have the ability to read people's minds, because just based on my own mind alone, so much useless stuff goes through there during the day I certainly don't want to be subjected to everybody else's clutter.

Super speed would be nice, for the same reason that bending time would be, so that I could get more accomplished over the course of the day.

I'm not sure about the ability to pass through walls, because that would have only limited uses, say if you're a cat burglar or an archeologist.

The ability to speak to the animals, though, that would be a fun one. After all, I spend so much time with our cat and dog during the day that we could have plenty of conversations. The drawback would be that I'm certain the level of conversation would not be particularly high, and I would probably be subjected to endless demands for more food, more belly rubs and another walk.

Considering how cold it is this morning, I think I'd definitely like to be impervious to cold. That would be a great super power. It would only be useful about six months out of the year, but I'd put it to great use. No more bundling up, baby!

Most super powers are just normal abilities multiplied. For example, instead of the ability to be impervious to cold, you could remember to wear the ski gloves you'd bought for dog walks, instead of your light driving gloves. Instead of the ability to bend and manipulate time, you could just manage your time better. But where's the fun in that?

At any rate, I'm enjoying my newfound powers of disguise, although I expect they will wane. I will have to look for, say, a magic haircut or a magic new wardrobe to keep people on their toes. At least it's good to be super for a while.

Copyright 2006 by Alyce Wilson

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