Musings
an Online Journal of Sorts

By Alyce Wilson

Una models some Mardi Gras beads I received for a donation to Hurricane Katrina relief

Right now, lot of things in my life are going right. Anyone who's been reading Musings knows this. And when I'm happy I tend to talk about the things that make me happy, just as when I'm sad I talk about the things that make me sad.

Unfortunately, sometimes hearing about my happiness, it seems, only makes other people feel worse about the things going wrong in their lives.

Or it could be that I'm imagining it, that pained look I see in some people's eyes, for example, when I talk about what's going right for me.

And sometimes, right in the middle of a sentence, I step outside of myself and say, "Alyce, reign it in."

For example, I'll find myself talking about The Gryphon, say about little things he does for me, and I suddenly realize I'm talking to someone whose track record in love is worse than Charlie Brown's. Having been in that position in the past, I know how hard it can be to unselfishly share joy with a friend without being reminded of your own sense of failure.

The other night a friend of ours was complaining about his lack of luck in love. I mentioned that I thought it would have been preferable to not have been in any relationships than to have gone through the ones I did over the years, with such people as Leechboy, or The Druid or The Luser.

Our friend agreed, but only reluctantly, still insisting that something is better than nothing.

Actually, those bad relationships were good for a couple things: I learned a lot about myself, and also, I learned to appreciate what I have now. I wake up every morning and say to myself, "Wow, things are still going well after more than two years. I'm still happy with The Gryphon and still feel good about where things are going. He's still my friend, and I still love him." If I hadn't been through a decade of relationship hell, I wouldn't have appreciated that as much.

It's much the same way with weight loss. I've lost a net 80 pounds over the past five years, but quite frankly, it hasn't been easy. If I added in the amount of backtracking I've had over those years, I've probably lost twice as much! The important thing is that I kept going, despite the setbacks.

So when, for example, a friend remarks on how good I'm looking lately, I take the compliment. And I'm hopeful that, instead of making them feel worse about themselves, it will simply be inspirational. When people ask me how I did it, and I tell them it was paying attention to my diet and exercising, I sometimes get the feeling they don't want to hear it. They'd rather hear some easy prescription, some magical cure.

But it was hard work, and it was often frustrating, and even more so because I'm within sight of my goal but have hit a plateau for the past several months. Still, I'll keep going and believing in my self, and I know I can do it.

If anything, those I know who have similar goals should look at me and be encouraged. In many ways, I was the ultimate example of someone who'd hit her relationship and health nadir. And yet, I found the strength within myself to rise up again, to be the person, to have the life I want.

So I'm sorry if I can't stop talking about this hard-won happiness, but I promise you that if any of my friends want support on their own personal journeys, I will be their loudest cheerleader. Because I know you can do it, if I did.

Copyright 2005 by Alyce Wilson

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