Musings
an Online Journal of Sorts

By Alyce Wilson

I found out yesterday that CNN anchor Anderson Cooper is gay. And all this time, I'd been thinking he was cute. But I was not that surprised, given my history.

Anderson was featured in the "50 Most Beautiful Men" in People magazine this year, and I was reading the profiles, saying "which of these guys, not only for their looks but also for their personality, appeals to me?" Anderson was one of the few who made the cut. And also, as it turns out, gay.

This is part of a long, long history.

It started in high school, where I developed a crush on one of my classmates, a guy I later decided was probably gay. After all, he never once dated any girls in high school... or college... or come to think of it, even today.

You would have thought I might have had a clue, considering that one of my best friends in high school was gay. He didn't even know it yet. The rest of us did. When he finally came out, we were like, "Took you long enough, girlfriend. I've got this great guy you should meet..."

All I can say is, as effective as it can often be, my gaydar sometimes gets jammed.

In college, as a member of the Penn State Monty Python Society, I had a crush on one of the Monty Python players. Guess who? Graham Chapman, the gay one! I found this out one day when I'd gone to the library to look up some information on him. I read an article about him being openly gay. "No!" I said out loud, drawing the stares of everyone else in the Periodicals room.

Then there was Leechboy, the emotionally abusive jerk who lived off me for four and a half years, attempting to suck out my soul. Based on our... level of intimacy, I'll say -- not to mention that he revealed he had fantasies about having sex with guys -- I'm fairly certain he was closeted. He was also desperate to please his extremely conservative father, so he was in denial.

Leechboy wanted to live a "normal" life, and I was his "beard." The worst part was him trying to force me into the little box he'd created for me (for some reason "Boxing Helena" springs to mind).

My next major relationship, my marriage, was what you might call a rebound. Never marry your rebound.

After that short-lived marriage ended, I heard through the grapevine that ex-hubby hooked up with a male associate of ours. So we'll count ex-hubby as bi.

So what happens after my divorce? I fall in love with a friend of mine, who is sweet to me during the breakup. He's broad-shouldered, tall, blonde... and totally gay. But I should have known: his last name was Ferry.

When he figured out I had a crush on him, he avoided me for awhile. But as soon as I got over him, he came around again. He was the one who took me out to a gay bar the night I dumped the next guy (the Loser) after discovering I'd been cheated on.

And only recently, my sister met a friend of mine on whom I'd had a crush when we first met. He talked to us for a little bit, and when he walked away, my sister said, "Is he gay?"

I laughed and said, "You know what? I would not be surprised." That would certainly explain a lot. And it would fit the pattern, too.

When I think about it, maybe it's just that I'm not a stereotypical kind of gal, so I go for guys who are not stereotypical males. And so, you run the chance, you know?

Plus, gay guys are sweet a lot of the time. And they're interested in the things that I like (including men). And they're good dressers. Really good dressers.

So given my history, I wasn't really surprised to find out about Anderson. But one of these days, I should really have my gaydar checked.

Copyright 2003 by Alyce Wilson

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