Musings
an Online Journal of Sorts

By Alyce Wilson

I've got a lot of accumulated found items, so I'll share some of them today. These are all notes of one form or another.

The first is a rather unpleasant conversation.

In small, hesitant script, someone writes, "Wass up I'm sorry about what I said"

The recipient replies in large letters, pressing the pencil hard into the paper in anger: "Asshole Your mother."

So much for patching things up. Usually, when you apologize, you hope for a more positive reply than "your mother." Whatever the first person said must have been unforgivable.

Speaking of unforgivable, I found this on a sidewalk covered in packaging tape, as if someone had left it somewhere outside but wanted to make sure the note survived any moisture from the elements.

The message reads, in all caps: "HEY PETE, I GOT A NEW DOG AND NAMED HIM AFTER YOU, (LITTLEDICK)"

Vindictive much? Or should I say vin-dick-tive? Maybe a little.

Fortunately, the next find is much nicer.

Somebody, who was presumably looking for brownie points, gave this Christmas card to a teacher. Not content with the greeting card's preprinted pleasantries, the card giver added, "Ms. Keller - Have an awesome Christmas and a grand New Year!"

An "awesome Christmas" is one thing, but a "grand New Year"? Wow. If this card doesn't boost them a letter grade, I don't know what will.

And the final note I found on my block. It had a stick taped to the top, as if it had been stuck in a door.

The missive reads: "Mr. Mail Man Could you Please Leave 6 Change of Address Forms Thank You So Very Much."

Apparently, this was a very important note, since the writer chose to capitalize nearly every word. Don't ask me why six change of address forms were needed, unless there had been six people living at that address. I suppose the note writer didn't realize that the typical post office moving packet includes more than one change of address slip.

I wonder if, when he read it, the same thing happened to the mail man as happened to me. Immediately in my head I heard the song, "Mr. Sandman, send me a dream. Make him the cutest that I've ever seen."

And make sure he brings six change of address forms.

Copyright 2005 by Alyce Wilson

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