Musings
an Online Journal of Sorts

By Alyce Wilson

Even flow
thoughts arrive like butterflies
Oh, he don't know
so he chases them away
someday yet he'll begin his life again

Pearl Jam, "Evenflow"

Dream: I had a dream two nights ago that I'd had some rolls of film developed. One of them had photos on it that went back as far as my sister's childhood. It included pictures of her with my brother, pictures of them playing together and at different ages.

I got hung up trying to figure how I could have possibly waited until now to complete taking the pictures on this roll, knowing how many rolls of film I'd shot in between these events. This is the sort of logical thought process I get involved with in dreams, where I find a flaw in dream logic and yet nevertheless don't manage to tip myself off that the reason it doesn't make sense is that it's a dream.

Moving and My Dog: My dog doesn't like when I move. She likes sniffing the boxes but doesn't like me moving things out of the house. Since I've had her I've only moved once, so she's been spared the trauma. That time, when we moved, she kept trying to stick her teddy bear in the boxes I was packing. I think she was worried I'd leave it behind.

Trees: A lot of trees are blooming right now. They're really pretty. I'm really enjoying looking at them. I don't know what kind they are, but they have white blooms or pink. I think the pink would be cherry, but I'm not sure what the white blooms would be. They smell like fish.

Eating Strangers' Candy: Somebody on Easter drives around this neighborhood and drops off plastic eggs filled with chocolate candy or coins. By the time I walked Una on Sunday, most had been opened, probably by rude children, who not only ate the candy but also smashed the plastic eggs. There were a few they hadn't found, and I got myself a few chocolates. It made me nostalgic, so I went to the grocery store for discount Easter candy. They didn't have anything I wanted, so I thought I'd try something new. Some dark chocolate Dove eggs. Very good.

Spring Smells: One of the problems about spring is that it brings out some of the smells that had been frozen over. Some of them aren't that pleasant. I think some of the things that are blooming now, like the trees, smell funky. And I don't mean in a good way. I mean like fish.

ID Pics and Self-Love: I lost my YMCA ID and paid for a new one yesterday. I was actually kind of happy about it, because I never really liked the old ID to begin with and, being about two years old, it didn't really look like me anymore. The resolution on the new pictures isn't really that great. They just use a basic digital camera, sitting halfway across the room. They take a picture that incorporates not only your face but the entire blue sheet taped to the wall behind you. Then they isolate the portion they want (your face) and blow it up. Even so, it looks better than the last one.

Exhibitionist Neighbor: A Japanese-American neighbor has his shirt off and is piling wood chips around the base of his carefully sculpted bushes. Reminds me of a Buddhist painting. Or like some wallpaper I had once.

Worldwide Cat Domination: We saw so many cats today, slinking around corners, hiding under bushes, that I began to wonder if the Cat Offensive had finally begun, the first step in world domination! <bwah ha haaa!>

Una was understandably concerned. After all, many cats do not like dogs. Una loves cats and would like nothing more than to sniff them. However, cats don't like to be sniffed for some strange reason and they run away. But she's also afraid of cats, because they have sharp things that come out of their feet.

Writing as Love: I've put too much emphasis on relationships as a way to be happy, when that's never been what made me happy. This is what makes me happy, creating. And I get more pleasure and more reward out of that than I ever could get from a romance. Or at least, that's what I tell myself when I'm single.

Copyright 2003 by Alyce Wilson

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