Musings
an Online Journal of Sorts

By Alyce Wilson

As my wedding to The Gryphon draws closer, I'm starting to field questions about whether I'm going to change my name. I am not.

When I tell people this, they often ask me why. And then, they rush to say, "Not that it's anyone's business but your own."

Sort of like on Seinfeld when Jerry and George objected to being mistaken for gays: "Not that there's anything wrong with that."

After the divorce, when I'd done all the paperwork to get my name back, I vowed I'd never change it again. Plus, I've been published under my name in the intervening years, have started to build a reputation under my name, and I have no desire to change it again.

I certainly wouldn't be the first woman to keep her maiden name. Even in my circle of friends, there's precedent, The Artist having kept her name, as well. Surprisingly, though, most of my feminist friends changed their names when they got married.

I have nothing against The Gryphon's surname, a perfectly good American name. It does, however, start with an "R", which adds yet another reason. While I wouldn't say that I'm quite as bad as Barbara Walters, I do have a tendency towards soft "R's" and would rather not bear a name starting with one.

After I've defended myself, I'm often posed other questions, such as "What happens if you have children?" Well, if we do, I tell them, they can take their father's name. I have no desire to do the hyphenated thing. As my dad has pointed out to me in the past, that's a practice that only really works for one generation. Otherwise, you'd be dealing with incredibly long hyphenated names.

Many other women artists, authors and other professionals do not change their names when they get married. Poet Gwendolyn Brooks is a great example of this, but examples abound. Some women get off the patriarchal bandwagon altogether, such as the artist Judy Chicago, who renamed herself after her beloved city.

I'm often asked how The Gryphon feels about my decision, and I tell them he's fine with it. This is the truth, as far as I can tell. He's not the sort of person to take it personally or to force me to do something I don't want to do. I wouldn't be with him otherwise.

It's different getting married at 36 than it was at 26. Now I realize that the strength of the relationship has nothing to do with the trappings. Whether or not you succeed as a married couple has more to do with your compatibility and your commitment than it does with anything external, such as changing your name. Supporting each other, loving each other, that's what matters.

This means that Una and Luke won't be changing their names either, since they're both listed at the veterinarian under my name, effectively making it their surname, too. I will note, though, that Una knows who "Daddy" is, just like she knows who "Mommy" is.

The long and the short of it is that keeping my maiden name has nothing to do with my faith in this relationship or my commitment to it. It has everything to do with my confidence in who I am.

Copyright 2006 by Alyce Wilson

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