Musings
an Online Journal of Sorts

By Alyce Wilson

This weekend I was invited to a Girls Weekend Out, with a number of female friends, many of whom I rarely see without their significant others (SOs).

I'm not going to divulge too many details, for fear I'll never get invited to one again. But this weekend did make me think about men and women and the different ways they relate with their friends.

We talked about it ourselves sometimes. After we'd spent half an hour trying to decide whether to get take out, delivery or go out to eat, and we'd finally decided to go out to an African place, we joked, "So what are the guys doing right now?"

"Oh, they just finished the pepperoni pizza they ordered two hours ago."

I told this to The Gryphon later, and he said, "Well, it's not always so easy for us to decide things, either."

Or, for example, we spent one morning going over wedding and reception ideas for one among us who had just gotten engaged. Some of the SOs had gotten together for a Guys Weekend, which as far as we could understand, involved shooting things and blowing things up.

Their entire conversation about the recently announced engagement probably consisted of, "Hey, congratulations!"

"Thanks!"

Guys don't tend to share as much personal stuff with each other, which is why they're sometimes bothered that we do. This is why many of them would prefer not to know what we talk about when we get together. That way there's less to worry about.

Of course, many of us women don't realize that men don't confide in each other, because so often, whether friends or lovers, they confide in us. We may believe, "He has no problem talking about personal stuff." Perhaps to you, but does he talk about it when he gets together with the guys? Doubtful.

The extent of most guys' conversations about their relationships is, "So, how's your girlfriend?"

"She's fine. How's your wife?"

"She's fine."

This isn't meant to imply that men's relationships are more shallow, but they simply tend to have different needs and expectations than women do. From the traditional He-man to the Sensitive New Age Guy, most men, when they spend time together, spend it in different ways than even the most feminist women.

The participants in Girls Weekend Out were some of the strongest individuals I've ever met, not one of them a Donna Reed clone. And yet I'd imagine the conversations we had were starkly different than those the guys were having.

We also probably ate more chocolate and homemade apple pie.

I'd trace it back to playground socialization. Boys, as I remember, could most frequently be found playing competitive sports like baseball or basketball. If they weren't athletic types, they'd be gathered in a comfortable corner of the playground, telling jokes and having intellectual conversations, designed to show off their wit.

Girls, on the other hand, taught each other rhythmic games, which involved both coordination and cooperation. You could run through "Si, Si, My Playmate" on your own, if you were practicing it, say, on the bus, slapping your palm on the bus seat in front of you instead of on another girl's palm. But it wasn't as satisfying as performing this clapping game with another girl.

We taught each other silly songs, cheers, and standard jokes (some of them naughty). We shared a repertoire of games and jokes, passed down from the generation of girls before us and most likely still being passed on today.

There, of course, were always exceptions: the girls who played basketball with the boys, the boys who hung out with us and learned cheers, or the bookworms who found comfortable bushes or trees to lounge against while delving into their latest book.

But regardless of what our parents teach us at home, as soon as we come into contact with the general population, boys and girls learn different ways of interacting, that we then feel comfortable with the rest of our lives. Again, it's not to say that one way is better than another, but simply that we have different needs, different expectations.

Men have learned that their male friends are primarily good resources for logical help and practical support. Women share experiences so they can compare them and learn new ways of coping.

I think that's why Girls Weekend Out is so important. We're all the sort of women that spend a lot of time with guys, and it is our friendship with these guys that, in many cases, led to countless couples over the years.

Woman introduces Female Friend to Male Friend, and before you know it, Female Friend and Male Friend are dating, and the Woman who brought them together couldn't be happier, having made two friends happy.

While we enjoy hanging out in mixed groups, joking around, having intellectual discussions or even teasing the men about personal information they'd rather not discuss, it's good to get together, every once in awhile, for a big grown-up slumber party with plenty of fruity, girly drinks and late night discussions.

One thing I am happy to divulge from this weekend was that the talented photographer friend, whose fantastic online photos inspired me to purchase the model of camera I got, taught me how to take super close up shots.

Here's a few (as is the sunflower shot at the top of the page):

Copyright 2003 by Alyce Wilson

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